During leave

Before your child arrives, you may have a clear idea of how much maternity, adoption or shared parental leave you are going to take (and even agree a return date before you go on leave) and then find your feelings change. This happens, it's normal and giving your employer as much notice as you can about your desired return date is helpful to everyone. Many of those who have taken maternity and adoption leave advocate setting a date and sticking to it to give everyone clarity and make the return easier.  The law requires that people on maternity or adoption leave give their employer at least eight weeks’ notice of a change to their return date.

Views differ on how early it’s best to organise childcare. Some parents do it before their baby is born, others trust that they’ll discover the right care later on (and are prepared to use a temporary work around, if need be, until a place on all the days you need becomes available with your childcare provider of choice). Whichever route you take, organise a settling-in phase where your baby gets used to being in that environment/with that person, and without you. This minimises upset later on as well as giving you some time to do other preparation for your return to work.

Making back-up plans is important because children are often unwell just at the time you’re returning to work. It’s an idea to have your partner take responsibility for drops and pick-ups in your first few days and have him/her on standby to stay at home if your baby is ill when you start back.

Look ahead to when you're due to start back and how that might affect breastfeeding and weaning routines. If you intend to continue breastfeeding and you can foresee that you will need to take breaks at work to express and store milk, think about how and when you will discuss it with your employer (see resources section for more on this).

Get ahead with any domestic admin you'd rather no one in the family had to deal with when you're trying to settle into a new routine and time's at a premium. Bill paying, renewing pet/car/travel insurance, buying birthday presents and cards etc, as well as personal appointments such as a dental check-up, asthma clinic, optician visit are all worth getting out of the way for your first month back. Now's a good time to discus rebalancing domestic roles and agree what others will do to contribute to the smooth running of family life.

An example of a jointly agreed family plan. Kim (K) works three days and week and Paul (P) five. They have a cleaner (C). Taken with permission from Mothers Work! by Jessica Chivers.

 Download sample 'who does what and when' family organiser.

Decide how much time you're going to give to domesticity and how much time you're going to devote to the family and your interests. If the time's lower for domestic life than when you were on leave, that probably means needing to do less or to a lower standard once you're back at work.

Part of preparing to return to work is rekindling that bigger sense of self and purpose beyond being a parent. A haircut, buying new well-fitting clothes and getting ready to look and feel the part may sound fluffy yet this is about boosting self-esteem and projecting an image to colleagues and clients that says 'I'm back and want to do a good job'.

Picking up a trade journal, looking at client websites to find out what's going on, reading any work papers you've been sent or taken away from KIT days are all things that can help you reconnect and get your head back into the game.

Your belief in your ability to make a smooth return is probably more important than anything else. Filling your head with thoughts of previous achievements at work, examples of your strengths in action and positive feedback you've received all help to bolster your self-esteem. Research shows our beliefs about our ability are a major determinant of our performance (eg see the 'self efficacy' work of psychologist Albert Bandura). Remind yourself of the benefits of going back to work and stay focused on why it’s a good decision (if you’re in any doubt).

A phased return can work particularly well if your employer is keen to get you back early. In exchange for you being flexible about the date, you could ask your line manager to allow you to gradually ramp up your days worked. Many people use accrued holiday to make this easy in terms of pay administration. A phased return can be particularly useful if you haven’t quite got the childcare cover in place that you hoped to have (for example, you're waiting for another day to become available at nursery).