Ask Ash

Dear Ash,

One of my colleagues is moving to another firm. I normally organise a leaving do as well as arranging a collection for colleagues who are leaving or going on maternity leave in our department, and this normally includes everyone signing a card and going for a drink at the local bar. However, I have never been on friendly terms with the person leaving and the feeling seems mutual. We just never hit it off and in the past she was critical about my work and made personal remarks about my character. We have worked together for a couple of years but I do not want to seem hypocritical by contributing to her present or signing a card when I am not sad at her departure. Should I stick to my principles or just organise the leaving do?

Ash replies:

The workplace should be kept professional at all times, where possible. This includes sometimes having to stem your emotions, which I can appreciate can be difficult, especially when in a similar domestic setting you may not exert the same amount of control.

As your colleague is leaving, it may be best to try to view this as an opportunity to bury the hatchet or at the very least not to depart on bad terms. I would suggest that you organise the collection and card as per normal and even try to attend the leaving do for at least one drink. You would not be showing yourself up as a hypocrite by taking such action but would merely be demonstrating that you are able to act in a professional manner by being able to detach from your emotions in a difficult work situation. By taking such action you may also shame the person in question into perhaps taking similar steps to show there were no hard feelings.

Of course aside from reasons of professionalism, such gestures will also be perceived as acts of kindness, which may help to extend the season of goodwill!

“Ash” is a solicitor who is willing to answer work-related queries from solicitors and trainees, which can be put to her via the editor: peter@connectcommunications.co.uk, or mail to Studio 2001, Mile End, Paisley PA1 1JS. Confidence will be respected and any advice published will be anonymised.

Please note that letters to Ash are not received at the Law Society of Scotland. The Society offers a support service for trainees through its Education and Training Department. For one-to-one advice contact Education and Training Manager Katie Meanley on 0131 476 8105/8200, or KatieMeanley@lawscot.org.uk